Are you an engineering type craving fast food but having trouble deciding where to go? Have you ever said something like this to yourself: "I am hungry, on the east coast, have more than $3, and am high as a kite, where should I go? Damn, if only I had made a handy decision tree before I got f*&ked up." Well, fret no more my slide-rule toting friends. Eating the Road has compiled this flow chart to help you navigate even the most challenging of fast food dilemmas. Stay tuned for a graphic which determines if you will need a cardiologist, gastroenterologist, tropical disease specialist or priest after ingesting.